Just About Life #2: Finding Balance and purpose III

Just About Life brings thoughts and learnings from different aspects of life. Remember the first rule of all Just Content: Why should I think that way?

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This edition of Just Thoughts outlines a yearly self-reflection exercise I’ve been doing for a decade. The first long format post I published on Medium in 2017 was an outline of this exercise and probably remains one of my most read pieces ever. Even if that particular writing is lost to the internet, Finding Balance II remains on the way back to the machine.

I do the following exercise yearly around the time I have walked yet another year on this earth. As detailed in Just Thoughts #2:

I usually do my self-reflection exercise every year around my Birthday (as opposed to yearly New Year promises). It feels more appropriate to calibrate your purpose in reflection against the years you've been on this earth instead of a lunar, solar, religious, fiscal, or whatever other cycle people use to find meaning in their lives.

Headlines this week:

1. Life Lesson

2. Calibrating Purpose

   1. What I love

   2. What I’m good at

   3. What can I get paid for

   4. What the world needs

   5. My Ikigai

   6. I am…

   7. L.I.F.E. document update.

3. Reflection on last year’s goals

4. Setting this year’s goals

The Just About Life - Monk

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Life Lesson

Eero Saarinen passed away last week. He was a Finnish basketball legend known primarily for impacting the sport and its culture in Finland. However, his successor, Henrik Dettman, was the only one to overshadow him.

I had the privilege of being coached by Eero for half a season just before he officially retired, and during that time, he taught me a powerful lesson.

We were competing in an end-of-season tournament called the Scania Cup with the -88 Honka boys. The "-88" refers to the players born in 1988, as those born in 1987 had their team, where my fellow Honka teammate Juho Nenonen played. I interviewed in the first edition of the Just Thoughts Podcast.

As the youngest player on the -88 team (one of two players born -89), I had recently joined my original club, EBT, so everything felt new and intimidating. We made it to the finals of the Scania Cup, facing a local Swedish team known as the Kings of Scania.

It was a tightly contested game. The opposing team began running pick-and-roll plays with their point guard and center in the last quarter. For those unfamiliar with basketball, a pick-and-roll involves a big player setting a screen to block the defender guarding the ball-handler.

There are various strategies to defend against this play, but Eero wanted us to switch, creating a mismatch between the ball-handler and the defender. Unfortunately, I matched myself against the talented point guard at the three-point line. He called for an isolation play, signaling his intent to take me one-on-one.

Despite my best efforts, he quickly blew past me and scored. On the next play, they used the same strategy, and once again, he drove by me for another basket. This pattern repeated, and I struggled to stop him.

What did Eero do? He did not change our defense and instructed us to continue defending the same way. I had never experienced this before; usually, if I failed to stop a faster player from scoring, I would be benched. But Eero kept me on the court despite my mistakes.

We ended up losing the game. Throughout the 8-10 possessions they attacked, I could not stop the opponent's play. Eero’s strategy might have prioritized allowing the opposing player to score, believing that our team was proficient at three-pointers and that switching defenders would allow our star shooters (Anselmi Vanjoki, Jere Päivinen, and Sami Marouf) to rest.

However, what I remember most clearly is that, regardless of my failures, my coach left me on the court, risking the loss of the championship. After the game, Eero approached me and said, "I saw you not giving up; that’s all that mattered to me." It felt like a lesson was being taught, even at the cost of a championship.

This single-minded mentality has shaped my approach to many aspects of my life. I believe in giving everything I have, and that’s all anyone can do at any moment.

While I may not have encountered many people who believe in me the way Eero did and see my potential as he did, that has never hindered me from supporting those I have coached and who have confided in me. I strived to be what Eero was to me and others, and in a short time, I had the privilege of being coached by him.

Calibrating Purpose

The following are subjective self-reflective statements without seeking direct feedback from others. Sometimes, it helps to do this exercise with input from others, but use people you trust, know you, and whom you confide in.

Additionally, I have very short phrases you can use as long as you like to explain what you mean with each bullet point. After doing this for many years, I only need a few words to express myself.

What do I love?

• My Life partner

• Writing

• Cooking

• Spending time with friends

• Enjoying time with family on good days

• Engaging in profound, meaningful discussions

• A good meal

• Our cottage / Family Lakehouse

• Running

• Watching a good movie

• Traveling when I need a break

• Snowboarding

• Walking

• Ice swimming

• Good music

• Telling stories

What can I get paid for?

• Coaching

• Teaching

• Writing

• Organizing events

• Finding talent

• Connecting people

• Creating meaning where there is none

• Problem-solving

• Conceptualizing

• Public speaking

• Content creation

• Marketing strategy

What am I good at?

• Writing

• Organizing events

• Finding talent

• Communication (Vision)

• Language skills

• Conceptualizing solutions to complex problems

• Spotting patterns

• Cooking

• Listening

• Teamwork and design

• Telling stories

• Being a dad

What does the world need?

• Less hate

• More love

• Better stories

• More understanding

• Improved politics

• More environmentally positive solutions

• Increased education

• Better educators

• Less violence

• More people in the right jobs

• Positive change

• Less loneliness

• Less fear of AI

• More time to pursue what you love

• Better mental health education

My Ikigai

Stories are how we connect with others, make people care, and convey meaning. By controlling and writing our story, we shape the narrative of our lives.

For better or worse, everyone can write their own story. While history is rarely told from the losing side, an increasingly connected world is changing that.

Sometimes, words can be art with no other significance than existing. Sometimes, we can mend a broken world with just a few simple words. Having the ability to heal is the power of storytelling.

I am…

I am Nicolas Thor-Kristian Dolenc—a doer by nature and a writer at heart, dedicated to curing loneliness by helping you craft your story.

I identify as cisgender, heterosexual, white, allo, male, and neurodivergent. I am the child of an immigrant and a lineage belonging to the most privileged minority in the world: the Swedish-speaking Finns. Though I am a minority representative, I have not always been treated as one due to my appearance and fluency in the dominant language of my country of origin and residence, Finland. My heritage includes American, Croatian, and Brazilian roots.

I am divorced but remain a loving partner in a new relationship. I am a proud father of two children, N and V, and I am actively involved in their chosen interests. I am a respectful brother to Daniel, a grateful son of Andre and Maria, an admiring grandson of Dorothy, and a happy cousin to Lorena and Luciano.

As a co-founder of Storyworld, I am on a journey to create a platform for storytellers and their communities. I excel at spotting trends, creating opportunities, communicating vision, and rallying people around a cause while staying focused on what is essential today.

I am proud to have participated in the Slush and Smartly alumni communities. In my areas of responsibility, I aim to serve my old student union, Teknologföreningen, within the region of responsibility. Additionally, I strive to contribute to the Helsinki startup scene by making beneficial connections and integrating individuals interested in joining it.

As a former professional basketball player, I am still interested in the sport but mainly enjoy long walks and snowboarding whenever possible.

I am a faithful and supportive friend, unafraid to speak my mind and offer tough love. I create new connections and groups while remaining loyal to others, including my army friends with whom I still connect after all these years.

L.I.F.E Document update

As explained in Just Thoughts #2, which also describes the content of my life document,

Creating or Revising my L.I.F.E. - Document. The letters stand for Learnings, Ideas, Feelings, and Expressions, and the idea is to imagine what people would say about your legacy in these four categories in your eulogy.

In the Lessons I added;

• He taught me how to write my story.

In the Ideals, I added;

• He believed that excellent storytelling is at the core of everything great.

There is excellent storytelling at the core of everything great.

I didn’t feel the need to add anything to Feelings (pun intended), but added a phrase to Legacy:

• You can see his legacy in all the stories he helped others craft.

That was the end of the update. We can now look at my goals from last year.

Reflection of last year's goals

Goals set during February 2024:

Goals for next 18 months;

• Write one article a week on Just Thoughts—20/80 value.

• Post one thought a day.

• Assuming a healthy body - 75 pushups, crunches and backs a week.

• Spend 1000 hours listening to others share their thoughts.

• Create 200k in income or Radiclconsulting.

• Build Europe's leading Diversity Inclusion agency.

• Loose 12 kg in weight.

• Set the foundation for House of RadicL - A platform of community voices by creating leading voices in DEI, ESG, Environment, and People Practices.

I can’t recall why I decided to say 18 months, but it had something to do with joining deidei at the time, and committing to them felt like it needed more than a year. My journey with deidei didn’t last long, and the learning from this is not to set “of beat” period goals and not tie personal cadence with professional cadence.

There was one point of focus: write one article a week on Just Thoughts—20/80 - I may have overdone it, but I did write at least one every week. 🎯

Post one, though, a day - I quit that after about fifty days. It was causing a lot of stress and wasn’t creating energy ❎

Assuming a healthy body - 75 pushups, crunches, and backs a week. ❌ Nope, I was too tired from all the writing many days going into a flow state, writing sometimes six hours straight only to find myself sleeping for 4 hours, too exhausted the next day to exercise.

Spend 1000 hours listening to others share their thoughts. I did this, probably more of it, but I could’ve specified how I’d measure this. Wouldn’t 10,000 hours be a better goal? ✅

Create 200k in income or Radicl Consulting - Epic Fail; I’ve terminated activities with the company after only generating 20k. ❌ Albiet, very conflicting with the following goal:

Build Europe's leading Diversity Inclusion agency - That wasn’t my goal to pursue,😑and I realized after talking with 30+ practitioners in the field that Chisom Udeze, whom I interviewed in the Just Thoughts Podcast #7.

It is much better positioned to actually achieve this and build what the industry needs: a platform for practitioners and buyers, which Chisom has now executed in the form of Deisola.

Loose 12 kg in weight — Lost four; if I wouldn’t be canceling the 18-month interval, this could actually still be achievable.📈

Set the foundation for House of RadicL - A platform of community voices by creating leading voices in DEI, ESG, Environment, and People Practices. — Well, I stopped pursuing this goal because the House of Radicl was merely an idea for an operating model. After establishing the partnerships, I was unsure how to scale the initiative effectively. 🤔

On top of these goals, I quit nicotine products. 1+ years without using that I’m proud of. Health I also stuck to ice swimming, which was good, and I did my passion project and printed my book:

All in all, it is terrific, but for this upcoming cycle,

• Stick to 12-months

• Less goals, more focus

• Make them all trackable

• Distinguish between personal and company goals

• The financials need to be in them; not succeeding on that front took a toll.

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Setting Goals

Goals Feb 2025 - 2026:

• One documented long-format story a week, published anywhere - “80/20 - value creation on purpose”

• Just Thoughts one time per month - Keep it alive, less focus

• Go to bed before 23.00 - 6 days a week.

• Stabilize income at a minimum of 2,5k€ per month, and repay 25% of personal debts.

Reasoning

Storytelling drives me. On purpose, I can’t justify everything on Just Thoughts anymore; Storyworld will require time. However, not killing the publication but one podcast or the like is very doable.

Sleeping has the biggest impact on health. Not adhering to this has made other health goals, such as exercise or healthier dietary goals, harder to achieve.

As stated, finances have been absolutely horrible and the biggest cause of stress. As always, I find that I was smarter and wiser when I was younger, as I’ll highlight in my next post. I’ve also promised a post about marriage and divorce, and I’ll aim for that piece this spring!

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